| 23 January 2008
A Depression story then Hepatitis C
My story with depression dates back to the late 1979, I was in a violent relationship and subject to abuse and physical violence over a 9 year period. I am often asked why I stayed in this relationship and the answers are simple:
1.You love the person.
2.You think you can change them (which lasts for years).
3.Then comes fright and being scared.
4.You fall out of love and begin to hate.
5.You live in fear, try to leave but you can’t because you are being stalked.
6.Eventually you find a way, plan a route of escape, I left town in 1988.
I managed to get away but I was living with anxiety and depression, so I saw a Doctor who put me on an antidepressant. I was on these for 6 months, where I commenced on a journey to get my life in order and start over again with my 2 sons aged 4yrs and 6 yrs. It wasn’t until 2007 that I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My sons also suffered from a nervous condition.
In 1993 I found a job I loved, helping others find work, this lasted 2 years until two women I worked with decided to get rid of the Manager, and because I didn’t agree with them, they set upon me. I was subject to workplace violence and harassment, I ended up on antidepressants again, this time I had a nervous breakdown. I was put on Prothieden and Endep, high doses. I was out of this world, living in another planet, I couldn’t function mentally, lost control of my life. My sons ended up confused but tried to help me even though they didn’t understand what was happening to their mother. I was on this medication for 6 years; I gained weight because of the antidepressants, which adds to the depression. After 6 years I came off this medication to start again.
The next downfall came when I was diagnosed in 1999 with hepatitis C, I contracted this disease from my ex-husband who was a drug injecting user, from the beatings that he gave me and the exchange of blood I became infected with hep c. The strange thing about this is that in 1989 I went to the doctor complaining of nausea and being tired all the time. I just didn’t feel right, she did blood tests but they didn’t show anything, she eventually said that ‘I am just like my mother’ and sent me on my way. A hypochondriac. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with hepatitis C and doing my own research that I found out the symptoms for this is nausea and fatigue as well as depression.
I now find myself trying to live with depression, but, I have played around with different antidepressants to find the right one for me. I am on a very low dose, 5mg, which I take every 2nd or 3rd day, just to take the anxiety away. I have chosen not to be drugged up on antidepressants and to try and learn to live with the depression. I have good days and bad days. I take each day as it comes and only do what I can on good days. Bad days I tend to stay home and wallow in my own despair, that way I am not having a negative impact on family or friends and only see them when I am chirpy.
From my own experience, antidepressants are a nightmare, but they should be taken if you need them, depending on the degree of the depression. When I had the breakdown, I definitely had to be on a higher dose. For people with a liver disease, like hepatitis C, half the recommended dose is applied, as antidepressants are toxic to the liver. If any of you need to be taking these, research all antidepressants and find out all you can about them, some have more side effects than others.
Linda
